The Butterfly Effect

i have a bug bite on my arm it looks like i burnt myself with a cigarette. i don't really know why i am updating this. its jsut goign to be random like most of my other stuff i guess. if i can ever get ahold of Jason he will know the awnser to a question he asked me the last time we talked. Yesterday with Stephanie was altoof fun. i enjoyed it alot. It feels like really strange right now at this time in mylife. i know what i want to do and what i want out of life. i really do. But you know me i always have to have a backup plan or soemthing to that extent. i have a plan a and plan b for mylife. it sounds strange but i do. if plan a dosnt work out then i will go to plan b. plan a would be the ultimate thing i want out of life. plan b would be somewhat the same but less in one aspect and what the less would be i would fill it with somehing else. im the kindof person if something dosnt work out i am lsot and fucked up for sometime then when i get over it something snaps adn i am in either in a determination or destroy mode. i will focus all myself on my backup plan and put all my energy and time into that. I will be alittle less happy in a backupplan but still i would be able to maintaine a great outlook on life. For instance Cindy Crawford was told by my former agency JC/ Zoom that she would never be able to model b.c of the mole. They didnt let her into Elite the first 7 times but she focused on getting in and then the 8th time she did. like if you didnt get into one modelin gagency after a few months of thinking and gathering your thoughts you would say fuck it and go to your 2nd choice and get in, yet still be a little less jolly b.c its your secound choice. Get it? i know that it isnt like you can plan your life it jsut happens but still that is waht i do. like if the whole me going with Casey to Brussels,Milan,and Rome in the summer dosnt work out then i do something else. Everything is set into motion and its to late to change it, besides I NEED it. Well, really it is never to late to change anything but basicaly i have already made the desician; my decisian and yeah it has a major effect on my life, but i still maintaine it is for the best, evan if i would have to go to another mind set.

My mom and i decorated the house today with abunch of christmas things today so that is al done. Dude no-doze makes you alerat as hell. i took it at work adn i jsut keep running around doing random shit like more then i woudl ever do it was hilariouse. Next time i wont take it with Hot Choc. maybe then i will be a little less hyped. oh, i bought nodoze adn some other pills that keeps you up b.c i was litteratly dozing off in class. thank you irregulare sleep patterns! i gues that means i wil have to cut down on the coffee. hmmm... one cup should be ok in the morning an dthen the pills mid day or like 4th or something i dont. i will figure it out later. i cant wait to graduate. my grad. party is like a few days after i graduate like maybe 3 days after i think it is the 7th or 8th. Also i think we are having it at my grandma's, dont know how rocky adn sandy will take that (the horses). ok im done im out of things to talk about for now i am sure i will come up with more later. i do my best thinking at night when i randomly wake up but cant get out of the bed to the comp. lol go figure.