its been 26 hours

i cant stop crying.its been exactly 26 hours since he left. shopping helped alot but i think i need to go shopping again next week and get the things i tried on at VS those were uber hot esp the red thing.and a jean jacket i saw at oldnavy. i didnt sleep last night at all. i hate this. i hate myself. 395 more days. my rings are shinny. i have been bingeing, great fattness here i come. i couldnt even talk to him on the phone with out cring god im pathetic. at least my voice didnt betray me and show it. i need caffine i think i will go make coffee. my grades suck but they will be up. i cant blog right now i just cant bring myslef to type anything more, but yet i am go figure... im sorry. sunday will be my release. in the end it will all work out. i keep telling myself that and i treuly beleavce it but its the time inbetween that sucks but it will get better i hope, he promised it would and i beleave it will. im watching ANTM (americas next top model) and i just want to be there right now just get away. god i hate that world of perfection it is so fake and cut throught you think that if i would be able to enter into that and kick ass and totaly distroy girls that are taller then me to get to the agencies that i am in then i could hack the whole denver thing, hmmmm. i dont get it, i stomp compition but still i cant manage to get a grip on myself. i need to call cydnee she will know waht to do her and adam have been doing the l/d thing for a while i mean kinda he is always off on his snowboarding compitions b/c he is pro snowboarder and its expected adn she is in NYC. i dont know but i cant get ahold of her. grrr damn damn. i took a bunch of pics of me tonight with runway make up and they came out nice but my eyes are just not hiding anything i was tring to focus on emotions that were happy, curiouse,sexy, girl next door etc but all that came out were sad and tearie eyed things but the one that is on this blog is one of the ones from tonight i jsut changed it to black and white so it would be less noticable and prettier." A day is but a small eternity" ralph somone said that. and that is how i feel though out today and fro the nect 395 days but it will get better *keep telling your self that* im goin to get coffee and clean m room or watch tv or read or listen to my new incubus cd that i got that remindes me of jason.