Jason is coming home this weekedn. the sucky thing is we might not see eachother. its whatever his friends want to do/ take him so yeah...I dont know what is goign on with us as anything even friends. im confused as hell. School is great 1st semester is over and im so happy, 2nd semster started and i love all my classes. i have two photo periods a day plus a lunch so that is 3periods devoted to phto woot woot. I beleave on sat i am going to the matress factory in the burgh, so that will be alot of fun there should be some neat exhibits there! Then i am going to Robinson. i cant wait it will be fun. i cant wait until 5pm i am going to hang out with stephanie the girl i ment form cali. she is so awesome i <3 her. so yeah yay for that. im nervouse. yes i am. i unlocked my one journal after locking jason out of it hes back in, go figure. well yeah i called my x therapist and she said i cant get my fiels so i am going down there soem time with one of my two girls and im going to be streagith with her she really cant hold that info from me its mine and i have a legal right to view it at any time i want, she can go paint a duck for all i care. I am looking into finding a new therapist since i havnt had one for a few years, i would like to go back adn i dont care what people think i am not weak adn i dont need to deal with this alone. i have come to realize no matter what i still cut. i did. i slipped up and it was so long and i was doing very well, almost a year to be exact. yet i paniced adn i cut. owell. this one scared, prob cuz it was deeper then usual. wahtever. its fine i dont want to hide anymore if people ask i will tell i dont care. they can airbrush it outof photos. I have a test shoot with INTM. i have to get ready for that. that is around the 18h. so that is good. they jsut up adn called adn was like we would like you to do a test shoot with us we saw soem of your stuff bla balh blah so yeah im doing that, upon my moms "adrianne i told them you would do it, so clear your face up, get rid of your cold, adn get into shape" yeah thanks for asking. whatever i will do it adn maybe it will pay off maybe i will make something out of it and maybe i can get away for this town or even out of the counrty. i have decided i no longer want to live in the us maybe california, but i really dont there is nothing here for me anymore. that is fine. i will move on and maybe get a friend if not i am sorry. adn its sad. i had a dream about my cusin who is in Cirque we were talking about how she helped me without knowing it when i was deeper into cutting, then i have been (she has no clue that i cut and prob never will) and we were sitting and talking at denny's but anyways bells bout to ring i will update more on this later at home