Here we go again.....
i really dont have much to say except this sucks, but i mean it isnt like death bad its jsut bad. the days seem to go bye slow but then at the same time fast. i got off the phone with my dad (he is away again) and i was like yeah i worked for a few and he was like aweosme and i was like yeah im saving fo rthe plan ticket i want to go out there before we go on vacations the 23rd and he was like that is pretty soon dont you think ....silence....him well we will talk about it....voice in my head its not soon it will be a freaking month a 3 days yeah that is not soon soon is memorial day. its when my rents say stuff like this that makes me want to move out when i am 18 even more then i wanted to when i was 13. go figure.
Diagnoses: Seperation Issues ; not wanting me to grow up
Symptoms: my mom comes up to me and is like (be fore i talk to dad and wheil ei was working) "your going to miss me when your gone" me " yeah i will, but i gatta go" i wish they would let me go and live for me not for them. they dont understand they are pushing me away just like they did when i was in 7th and 8th and 9th. i think she is realizing tha ti am goin to leave the first chance i get wearther it be when i turn 18 or when i go to college bc she is all " i love you amd will miss you and wont get to see you." then hugs and kisses me adn so forth. at this point your proably thinking im a mean coldhearted selfish bitch, which might be treu but from my point of view i just want to get the hell out and finish hs somewere else i hate trinity i always have ever since i step foot into the middle school and they down fased me from highschool to middle school ( 7-12 at my old school). good news i am slowly making progress on the college front while mom was all your goin to miss me i was like yah college tuition is cheaper in state (her brain was like oh yay shes stayin in pa) then i was like um if i establish a residency in the state i want to attend college in then it will be less b/c you can send me the money and i can pay for it there fore instate tuition. her: "oh good thinking that might work." me yeah i think about stuff like this that intrest me and will make me happy. (my brain what would be even better is me transfering and finishing hs in that same state then i will have no problem with the tuition) then i mentioned somthign along those lines her: you will lose your IEP adn it might not be honored since it is a dif state, me oh. my brain "ok lets look on the net, talk to guidence or better yet email a few schools and see about this IEP thing and how transferable it is" the only reason i have this in my mind is yes the rents wanted to send me to boarding school last year and the year before that, so whooppie ding im sending myself. then after she walks out she is like you know some colleges might not accept your IEP anyway and i was like " yeah same in pa" then i started to work again. she later came in and was like i love you and i was like i know this but i love you to, what do you want? she was like nothing im just going to miss you when your gone. me and "i will miss you" *brain* but i will be on my own kinda and living for me but still missing you yep
conclution: mom is clinging to the last possible year left very very tightly
effects: pushes me further away makes me want to move faster and farther
I got bored with my blog thing so i changed it yet agian since i only play with the fonts and colors on this thing i put it black. black goes with everything very nicely, except brown only on certin occations and only certin ppl can pull tha toff... i am starting to get a heading adn am sick to my stomach all of a sudden lovely. Anyhwo Jason called last night and im glad my voice didnt betray me although yes he will know after reading this blog i freaked out my mind went on blank mode when he said he wasnt callin gtonight and it just flowed tears came out of nowere...i dont know why that would cause that? maybe it was jut all vcoming out for the umphtenth time. im happy when i get to talk to him my spirits are lifted yes. but i still cry which i hate to do and everyone who knows me knows that well almost everyone ppl who actualy know me know that. i dont know. im messed up or something. i need a vacatoin thank god school is only 16 more days. My frog smells good still it got drenched last night but it still smells good considering the smelly stuff is body wash haha go figure. but i like it and it will last longer then the colougne so yay for that. my stomach isgrowling. i have been binging like mad....not good....focus...ok im back amaracor is leaving on friday that is 5 less people to tlak to this is horrible. I was tlaking to Kaylee today like always and i was like yeah blah blah and she was like oh well were goin to go shopping and then she was like jesse (her b/f) is coming up next weekend. so that is good. then we started to talk about how he might ask her to marry him agian( he asked her last year a few times) since she is almost out of school now and she was like i want to but i dont want to but i dont know if i want to be right out of h/s i was like isnt jessica engaged and she was like yeah that was from a few months ago and i was like well shes a senior like you. then i was like hmm...if he asks you be honest it woul dbe to stress ful with you goign to college and finishing hs and everythinglike over whilming. then she was like yeah tha s is it is overwhelming then i was like ok diffence engaed married year or so apart. then she laughed and was like your right i totaly forgot about that. so she is excited about the weekedn. oh and i get to meet jesse, so that tis good. Then Kaylee was lik ehow is jason and i was like good we talked last night and told her about it. then i was asking her some things and then Mrs. Tiger started to talk and after she was done talking she asked me what my notes were adn i was like russian and then i was lik ehere i will show you and i wrote her name in russian since tha tis the class i am in while i was tlak ing to kaylee. so yeah boring day in debate as well we did TIF i absolutly HATE TIF. i dont care about tandger outlets, they will come with or with out TIF and if they dont come with out TIF then they will go to bentlyville or charloroy or somewere.
390days 23 days
Diagnoses: Seperation Issues ; not wanting me to grow up
Symptoms: my mom comes up to me and is like (be fore i talk to dad and wheil ei was working) "your going to miss me when your gone" me " yeah i will, but i gatta go" i wish they would let me go and live for me not for them. they dont understand they are pushing me away just like they did when i was in 7th and 8th and 9th. i think she is realizing tha ti am goin to leave the first chance i get wearther it be when i turn 18 or when i go to college bc she is all " i love you amd will miss you and wont get to see you." then hugs and kisses me adn so forth. at this point your proably thinking im a mean coldhearted selfish bitch, which might be treu but from my point of view i just want to get the hell out and finish hs somewere else i hate trinity i always have ever since i step foot into the middle school and they down fased me from highschool to middle school ( 7-12 at my old school). good news i am slowly making progress on the college front while mom was all your goin to miss me i was like yah college tuition is cheaper in state (her brain was like oh yay shes stayin in pa) then i was like um if i establish a residency in the state i want to attend college in then it will be less b/c you can send me the money and i can pay for it there fore instate tuition. her: "oh good thinking that might work." me yeah i think about stuff like this that intrest me and will make me happy. (my brain what would be even better is me transfering and finishing hs in that same state then i will have no problem with the tuition) then i mentioned somthign along those lines her: you will lose your IEP adn it might not be honored since it is a dif state, me oh. my brain "ok lets look on the net, talk to guidence or better yet email a few schools and see about this IEP thing and how transferable it is" the only reason i have this in my mind is yes the rents wanted to send me to boarding school last year and the year before that, so whooppie ding im sending myself. then after she walks out she is like you know some colleges might not accept your IEP anyway and i was like " yeah same in pa" then i started to work again. she later came in and was like i love you and i was like i know this but i love you to, what do you want? she was like nothing im just going to miss you when your gone. me and "i will miss you" *brain* but i will be on my own kinda and living for me but still missing you yep
conclution: mom is clinging to the last possible year left very very tightly
effects: pushes me further away makes me want to move faster and farther
I got bored with my blog thing so i changed it yet agian since i only play with the fonts and colors on this thing i put it black. black goes with everything very nicely, except brown only on certin occations and only certin ppl can pull tha toff... i am starting to get a heading adn am sick to my stomach all of a sudden lovely. Anyhwo Jason called last night and im glad my voice didnt betray me although yes he will know after reading this blog i freaked out my mind went on blank mode when he said he wasnt callin gtonight and it just flowed tears came out of nowere...i dont know why that would cause that? maybe it was jut all vcoming out for the umphtenth time. im happy when i get to talk to him my spirits are lifted yes. but i still cry which i hate to do and everyone who knows me knows that well almost everyone ppl who actualy know me know that. i dont know. im messed up or something. i need a vacatoin thank god school is only 16 more days. My frog smells good still it got drenched last night but it still smells good considering the smelly stuff is body wash haha go figure. but i like it and it will last longer then the colougne so yay for that. my stomach isgrowling. i have been binging like mad....not good....focus...ok im back amaracor is leaving on friday that is 5 less people to tlak to this is horrible. I was tlaking to Kaylee today like always and i was like yeah blah blah and she was like oh well were goin to go shopping and then she was like jesse (her b/f) is coming up next weekend. so that is good. then we started to talk about how he might ask her to marry him agian( he asked her last year a few times) since she is almost out of school now and she was like i want to but i dont want to but i dont know if i want to be right out of h/s i was like isnt jessica engaged and she was like yeah that was from a few months ago and i was like well shes a senior like you. then i was like hmm...if he asks you be honest it woul dbe to stress ful with you goign to college and finishing hs and everythinglike over whilming. then she was like yeah tha s is it is overwhelming then i was like ok diffence engaed married year or so apart. then she laughed and was like your right i totaly forgot about that. so she is excited about the weekedn. oh and i get to meet jesse, so that tis good. Then Kaylee was lik ehow is jason and i was like good we talked last night and told her about it. then i was asking her some things and then Mrs. Tiger started to talk and after she was done talking she asked me what my notes were adn i was like russian and then i was lik ehere i will show you and i wrote her name in russian since tha tis the class i am in while i was tlak ing to kaylee. so yeah boring day in debate as well we did TIF i absolutly HATE TIF. i dont care about tandger outlets, they will come with or with out TIF and if they dont come with out TIF then they will go to bentlyville or charloroy or somewere.
390days 23 days
posted by divnmoongoddess at 5/18/2005 06:37:00 PM
2 Comments:
wow, this is the longest blog post that I have ever read! but, I miss you too babe, just don't make any decisions that are too drastic. you must be rational in everything. I love you and just because I can't/don't call you everynight doesn't mean that I don't love you any less, it just means that sometimes I am very busy and can't call. hope to see you soon..
i know tha tyou are busy and not out dating dont worry about that i am secure in that area as far as i know. i hope to see you soon as well. i just hate it here i dont want to finish school in pa i really dont.
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