i got nothing for this title
so i had htis great post going BUT the bell rang and it didnt save...grrr. So what i was saing was that i am goign to graduate in like 9 days!! 2 more days and i dont have school i am SOOO excited! i cant wait for this to be over! I want to travel and see people adn meet people and attend diffrent cultures, as well as countries i want to see as much of the world as i can. that was jsut random ness that poped into my head.
ok pervisoue psot that didnt happen. It seems like i cant ever make my parents happy or proud or anything. This whole year has been messed up. They seem to think i am a failure at life adn at school, news flash IM GRADUATING i might not have the greatest 2nd semester grades but at least i am walking and getting a diploma.
For the past few days it seems that i cant even dress right for my mom she has stated that the shoes i am/did wear could have been different, and that i dont match. When do i ever match totaly?? that is me that is my style. They amke me feel like i am a hughe disapoint ment to them adn that i am a fiulre at life. My mom had the nerve to say that with my grades a college will never look at me for years, and i wont be able to get in to a college. well a big 'fuck you' when i do attend college adn come out with a masters degree. yes she was the one that said i should 'think about a trade school' and not attending college at all b.c it 'sitn for everyone' why did i take a year off b.c yuo said i should think abotu it i did think abotu it and yeah im burnt out i need this year but im attending college and i am getting a masters, with or with out help from my parents. I will have the lifestyle that i want and deserve. I dont give a damn if the way that i obtaine that lifestlye is conventional or not. i will do it my way as i have always done. My dad said to me a night ago will you ever make something out of yourslef what are you going to do the rest of yruo life? jsut b.c i have grauated dosnt mean i have to knwo my lifes plan i know waht i want out of life and i know the style in which i want to live. Hence the above statement on my life adn masters and everything. that is all i need to knwo at this point. i grauated why cant they jsut be happy about that? i cant bileve they threatened to not throw me a grad party b.c i didnt deserve it then when they decide to they put it 2 fucking hours away so NONE of my friends from here will come.and i dont haev that many i have a list of like maybe 30 peopel but only 15 would prob show adn (only 5 -8 i am close with, one of which is in Colorado) noone will drive 2 hours with the price of gas, it will be family and older people and friends of thirs noone my age adn noone i really want to be there except a few ucles adn cusins but other then that noone from washington will show, garenteed, i will be suprised if someone anyone from washpa shows. it would however make my senior year. Im not saing that i fucked my senior year up b.c Ben but yeah that is def doing to facter in there hard core. I didnt attend class regurly for 2 weeks after that happened i was down in watson office crying histaricly and giong insaine, not know ing what to do every were i go he was there i still think i see him sometimes, but it never comes ture. Noone will even remotly come close to undertanding what he ment to me and how close i was to him. I dont talk about Ben that much to anyone and i dotn do that b.c noone will understand let alone my parents. 'get over it' 'do you think we havnt had somone clsoe to us die before we knwio waht yoru giong threw' 'my dad died' my mom died' im sorry but both yoru parents died natureal one of lung cancer the other old age, but they didnt KILL THEMSELFS ITS FUCKING DIFFRENT you DONT knwo what i am giogn threw and when i try to talk to you about it you get mad and upset and yell so screw it i dont talk anymore everything is 'hunkiedory' i will never undertand what i did to make you totaly drop me and lsoe faith adn make you so disapointed in me in everything i do. im sorry i turely am. maybe my family is irreparable i dont know but its an astranged bond i do know that. so i shut down.
ok pervisoue psot that didnt happen. It seems like i cant ever make my parents happy or proud or anything. This whole year has been messed up. They seem to think i am a failure at life adn at school, news flash IM GRADUATING i might not have the greatest 2nd semester grades but at least i am walking and getting a diploma.
For the past few days it seems that i cant even dress right for my mom she has stated that the shoes i am/did wear could have been different, and that i dont match. When do i ever match totaly?? that is me that is my style. They amke me feel like i am a hughe disapoint ment to them adn that i am a fiulre at life. My mom had the nerve to say that with my grades a college will never look at me for years, and i wont be able to get in to a college. well a big 'fuck you' when i do attend college adn come out with a masters degree. yes she was the one that said i should 'think about a trade school' and not attending college at all b.c it 'sitn for everyone' why did i take a year off b.c yuo said i should think abotu it i did think abotu it and yeah im burnt out i need this year but im attending college and i am getting a masters, with or with out help from my parents. I will have the lifestyle that i want and deserve. I dont give a damn if the way that i obtaine that lifestlye is conventional or not. i will do it my way as i have always done. My dad said to me a night ago will you ever make something out of yourslef what are you going to do the rest of yruo life? jsut b.c i have grauated dosnt mean i have to knwo my lifes plan i know waht i want out of life and i know the style in which i want to live. Hence the above statement on my life adn masters and everything. that is all i need to knwo at this point. i grauated why cant they jsut be happy about that? i cant bileve they threatened to not throw me a grad party b.c i didnt deserve it then when they decide to they put it 2 fucking hours away so NONE of my friends from here will come.and i dont haev that many i have a list of like maybe 30 peopel but only 15 would prob show adn (only 5 -8 i am close with, one of which is in Colorado) noone will drive 2 hours with the price of gas, it will be family and older people and friends of thirs noone my age adn noone i really want to be there except a few ucles adn cusins but other then that noone from washington will show, garenteed, i will be suprised if someone anyone from washpa shows. it would however make my senior year. Im not saing that i fucked my senior year up b.c Ben but yeah that is def doing to facter in there hard core. I didnt attend class regurly for 2 weeks after that happened i was down in watson office crying histaricly and giong insaine, not know ing what to do every were i go he was there i still think i see him sometimes, but it never comes ture. Noone will even remotly come close to undertanding what he ment to me and how close i was to him. I dont talk about Ben that much to anyone and i dotn do that b.c noone will understand let alone my parents. 'get over it' 'do you think we havnt had somone clsoe to us die before we knwio waht yoru giong threw' 'my dad died' my mom died' im sorry but both yoru parents died natureal one of lung cancer the other old age, but they didnt KILL THEMSELFS ITS FUCKING DIFFRENT you DONT knwo what i am giogn threw and when i try to talk to you about it you get mad and upset and yell so screw it i dont talk anymore everything is 'hunkiedory' i will never undertand what i did to make you totaly drop me and lsoe faith adn make you so disapointed in me in everything i do. im sorry i turely am. maybe my family is irreparable i dont know but its an astranged bond i do know that. so i shut down.
posted by divnmoongoddess at 5/31/2006 09:10:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home