Y-town this weekend?

So I was talking to my cousin Brian yesterday and last night. He wants to come over and get me and take me back to Youngstown for the weekend this would be fun! Since we saw each other at the wedding Sat. I am glad Leah is happy tho even tho the guy might not have that great a sense of humor that the rest of our family has. Brian and i were apt to get in trouble somehow. Last wedding we were at was his sister's and he and Casey and i all sward fought the entire time with the real medieval sharp swards it kicked ass! So at this wedding we got bored adn we decided to go see if we could rent a golf cart, the course jsut closed and the attendant at the desk was reluctant but it was funny to try. i should have told him i would take him with lol! so anyways i was on the phoen with Brian and I asked what we would do, he said we would go play putt putt, hang out at his house invite some of his friends over and watch movies. Take a spin by Zeekies house surprise him, meet Zeek, ask very polietly to go for a ride on his bike. Brian said that Zack could come seeing as he has 3 spare bedrooms but Zack wants to stay home grr. ;) owell i dotn know what my work sched is like so i will have to see. it would be really fun tho. i do know that the last week in June i will have to go to Y-Town tho and do a ride along with Zeekie when he does some races; shows; ect Brian already said i would, when Zeek asked Brian if he could take me (for that event in Y-Town) since i am 'his little cousin'. So that should be interesting, haven't been in a ride along since ugh CL crash.

i got nothing for this title

so i had htis great post going BUT the bell rang and it didnt save...grrr. So what i was saing was that i am goign to graduate in like 9 days!! 2 more days and i dont have school i am SOOO excited! i cant wait for this to be over! I want to travel and see people adn meet people and attend diffrent cultures, as well as countries i want to see as much of the world as i can. that was jsut random ness that poped into my head.

ok pervisoue psot that didnt happen. It seems like i cant ever make my parents happy or proud or anything. This whole year has been messed up. They seem to think i am a failure at life adn at school, news flash IM GRADUATING i might not have the greatest 2nd semester grades but at least i am walking and getting a diploma.

For the past few days it seems that i cant even dress right for my mom she has stated that the shoes i am/did wear could have been different, and that i dont match. When do i ever match totaly?? that is me that is my style. They amke me feel like i am a hughe disapoint ment to them adn that i am a fiulre at life. My mom had the nerve to say that with my grades a college will never look at me for years, and i wont be able to get in to a college. well a big 'fuck you' when i do attend college adn come out with a masters degree. yes she was the one that said i should 'think about a trade school' and not attending college at all b.c it 'sitn for everyone' why did i take a year off b.c yuo said i should think abotu it i did think abotu it and yeah im burnt out i need this year but im attending college and i am getting a masters, with or with out help from my parents. I will have the lifestyle that i want and deserve. I dont give a damn if the way that i obtaine that lifestlye is conventional or not. i will do it my way as i have always done. My dad said to me a night ago will you ever make something out of yourslef what are you going to do the rest of yruo life? jsut b.c i have grauated dosnt mean i have to knwo my lifes plan i know waht i want out of life and i know the style in which i want to live. Hence the above statement on my life adn masters and everything. that is all i need to knwo at this point. i grauated why cant they jsut be happy about that? i cant bileve they threatened to not throw me a grad party b.c i didnt deserve it then when they decide to they put it 2 fucking hours away so NONE of my friends from here will come.and i dont haev that many i have a list of like maybe 30 peopel but only 15 would prob show adn (only 5 -8 i am close with, one of which is in Colorado) noone will drive 2 hours with the price of gas, it will be family and older people and friends of thirs noone my age adn noone i really want to be there except a few ucles adn cusins but other then that noone from washington will show, garenteed, i will be suprised if someone anyone from washpa shows. it would however make my senior year. Im not saing that i fucked my senior year up b.c Ben but yeah that is def doing to facter in there hard core. I didnt attend class regurly for 2 weeks after that happened i was down in watson office crying histaricly and giong insaine, not know ing what to do every were i go he was there i still think i see him sometimes, but it never comes ture. Noone will even remotly come close to undertanding what he ment to me and how close i was to him. I dont talk about Ben that much to anyone and i dotn do that b.c noone will understand let alone my parents. 'get over it' 'do you think we havnt had somone clsoe to us die before we knwio waht yoru giong threw' 'my dad died' my mom died' im sorry but both yoru parents died natureal one of lung cancer the other old age, but they didnt KILL THEMSELFS ITS FUCKING DIFFRENT you DONT knwo what i am giogn threw and when i try to talk to you about it you get mad and upset and yell so screw it i dont talk anymore everything is 'hunkiedory' i will never undertand what i did to make you totaly drop me and lsoe faith adn make you so disapointed in me in everything i do. im sorry i turely am. maybe my family is irreparable i dont know but its an astranged bond i do know that. so i shut down.

hahah this is funny

i look amazingly hot today! i have little red high heels that are inda like sandels, a little plaid green skirt, a black spegetti top with the lace stuff that one then a little jean half thing that is sleevless over it,i look cute. the super intendant was coming inside and i was walking downt the hall and he looked up and down like he was checking me out that made my day haha plus that goes back to the "if your a brunette with long hair..." haha ok im done im probably going to get kicked out of school for that one. free speech. america. period. i'll take some pics adn psot them when i get home.

i think Zack and i might be heading down hill. I am not sure at this point. Its all fog in mirrors. I had a panic attack last night. that was fun. i coulnd hardley breath. it reminded me of the times that i use to pas sout and have seizures. that is waht use to happen befor that stuff happened. i havnt had a seizure since i was in 7th grade. and i havnt passed out since 9th in school. ohwell shit happens i guess. i dont know waht is goin on.

Vegas seems like a dream....

So apparently there was this post that was jsut lost in vyber space that i posted the 15th of this month and it jsut appeared... eh :/ ? owell lol whatever it happens the internet is fickle. Wow i have had thecraziest day today first off i have to get all my stuff that i need for grades in by tomarrow. After tomarrow i will have nothing to be tested on quized on or graded ever again in a high school!! so i was working like mad the whole day to get all that done. i have most of it done. all i need is a spanish Chapter test (doing tomarrow homeroom and possibly 6th) a human bio chapter test which i am doing 5th, Some odds and ends in worksheets for spanish that i can translate during 2nd and a bones worksheet as well as notes to copy for human bio i am finishing right now. so what do i have to do tomarrow....

Photo - color (do in pd 1); 2nd project color wheel via painting the b.w print end of 1st end of 2nd.
Keyboarning- timed test done in 10 mins 2nd pd.
Psych- done
Spanish- ch test pt. A and B A do in Home room B do in 7th pd
Human Bio - Chapter test in class
AP Eng- Papper; Vocab test (before homeroom)

ok so yeah that is all i need to do tommarrow.

OK BACK to the crazy day today. out of the blue is always a fun thing. i love suprises and this was a nice 360 needless to say i jsut kinda semi stoped everythingiwas doing adn stared. that was intresting. I beleave going to vegas in the near future ;)

Crancky Much?

Im really crancky, im jsut in a funky mood. Like im Crancky, Depressed, Exahusted, and Snappy. nice combination right? I dont know, what is up with me. Im nervouse about tonight, Stephers is home. She was into major shit and we have to talk. She is bringing along one of her currents, he is our "chauffeur"as she put it. We are goign to the burgh, after i get to her house after school. i told her i had to be back by 6ish cuz that is when zack usualy is free, she said tha twas fine we can all hang out afterwards. He dosnt want to. Fine. I guess i will jsut stay in the burg til i have to go home at 9. I dont know this kid and franqly i dont like him. He is an ass to her, she has yes givin up on dating him b.c of it but htey are remaining friends which is fine. I dont care about that i havent seen her in a long time, and the last time i saw her she told me some unplesent things about her and Jason, but shit happens. She has been thourgh alot since she has been attending IUP and I franquely dont feel like hangin gout with this kid adn her. My nephew is in the hospital and he is prob going to be ther eover night again. it breaks my heart to see him like this he crys adn you cant do anything to help him. He isnt even 1 year yet. I jsut saw him last night and he was hooked to an IV adn wouldnt stop cring the whole time it makes me sick that i cant do anything for him. I can only imagine how Colleen feels. i texted her today and he is doing better but he might still be in there tonight so i will go up after i get back from the burgh.

randomness

Damn i cant even get laid if i want to...ok so apparently i will be like "super virgin" for the rest of my life. owell i'll get use to it. anyways on a less odd note, today was weird. idk i have been in a weird mood all today. I was talking to Jason erlier today and he had fun at a Massive Attack concert! that would have been neat to go to! What i was thinking was one of his life goals is but it isnt theone he is talking about (thank god! sorry. i thought i was seriosuely cut out of that loop) i actaully dont even think i was close to what it is, which i still dont know but all in time. I am enjoing my novel that i am reading in AP Eng. slaughter house 5, its good so far. I am getting ready for summer. I cant wait until school ends. I really wont miss High school how can i miss something that tourmented me so much? How could i miss the people i hate? how could i miss all the horrible lies,rumors, and remarks? If you miss something that has tourmented you since you entered then that is fucked up. I will never miss high school i reall wont. YEAH i will miss the very few people that knew me and were my freinds but other then that i would never miss or even go back to that hell that i have lived for so long. no. there isnt enough money in the world. But i have come out and i am a survivor in all sence of the world, granted i still struggle with certin "issues" but taht is nothing. Honestly has no comparasine to the last 6 years. What i have been put though adn what i have fought. Everything, jsut noone should go through this yet it is life and people have been though worse and come out of top, and for those people i give you so much props and support u in every way shape and form. So much pain yet there so strong, i have so much admieration and respect for you.

I am goign to a 3 Doors Down adn Lenerd Skinnard (sp?) concert in sometime in July. that should be intresting seeing as it is my first concert ever. I REALLY want to go dancing BAD. SO if anyone knows clubs in the PGH or WV area that are 18 adn over let me know!!!
I am going to take Natalie and she is 28, we both want to go dancing and hence forth the above. I would like to go to the club in Denver tho eveer sicne i have heard abotu it, now im obsessed with it it lookes fantastic inside form the pics and what i have heard. http://www.the-church.com so yeah totaly want to go there when i go out to Denver this summer.hmm whatelse New GM for Denny's Kim she is cool. um yeah i got nothing, i went to a kick ass resturant Natalie took me to a little while ago Kaya in PGH it was fabulouse its my fav! def have to check it out!! http://www.bigburrito.com/ click the Kaya banner. Its my fav resturant now. yeah! ok well bells abotu to ring so im out!