Christmas was nice. It was a mad house at Denny's i made over $80 that day it was crazy! who wouldhave thought that would have happened christmas day? So anyways i got almost everything i wanted.... ;) hmm Fam christmas tommarrow oh geez. wish me luck.....so i am listening to the new nickleback CD yeah i know i am late getting it but i had my firend burn it for me. the rents are oiut of the house and its nice. My dad might buy me a Ford explorer year 2000 or 2001 so that will be nice i want a big SUV. I cant wait i do know that he is getting me a car though and it will be an SUV b.c that is what i want, so that will be ncie to have. i so cant wait. Oh my Jason is coming home in Feb yay! that makes me so happy!!! i dont want to go back to school so soon lol. owell.

here comes *me* all dressed in sexy little things....

ok so to update the few or rather one who reads my blog lol. I got the job at Victoria's Secret. Sales Associate babe! they said that i could move up as fast as three months to a "Sales Leader" which is a Co- Assistant Manager. so that is all well and good. im excited my first day was yesterday and i came in all pretty and in uniform everything all the works, i sat in the back watching movies grrr. owell Tue is my first floor day im excited i can't wait!! i know the store and i know the areas adn the merchandise. so go me! i was wrong i get a 30% dis. and 20% at the other stores Express,Limited, Bath and Body Works, adn the White Candel Co. that is so sweet. more then i was expecting! but i am more ampt to meet the Visual guy who has worked DIRECTLY with TYRA hello. Stephanie( the Manager) siad i could have some One on One time with him OH so HAPPY! i can't wait and since this was "his home store" he spends more time with us then any other store! this is nice. I wont be suprised if i boost not only my retail connections but my modeling as well. wootwoot!

i wonrk tonight at Denny's form 3-9. Yes i know i am a freak of nature for having 3 jobs and goign to school full time all at one time. yeah i know. But i refuse to give up my first job i ever had b.c my boss is so Awesome to me and ect adn Denny's is just fun with the co-workers, V.S. just screams my name (dont you think?) so yeah three jobs adn senior year in high school. i have no social life that is how i do it. i havnt really ever had much of a social life so yeah i would rather work then have a social life evan if i had a scoial life. Granted i will haev to give up a job when i move to Denver and that job will be Denny's i will continue with V.S. and B.E.L. when i am in Denver and then go off to college. so yeah that is that haha. i dont know most people my age dont evan worka dn if they do they play with one job. i kinda like being me it shows i have a kick ass work ethic and i am good at everything i do with all of the jobs. i am multi talented for lack of better wording. give me ur thoughts on everything who ever reads this lol just comment evan if it is anonomous or what ever....thanks!

im LEGEL

woot woot i am legel!!!! So anywasy my bday was not what i expected but owell. it was a late start but ended well. i got something intresting from my stephers . i love her, she is one of the best. we spent a good part of the day together, then had dinner with my parents at a china place. yes i ate sushi and some meat..... i went for the VS interview today handsdown i kicked ass, off the record she said i got the job. i get like 20-25 % off of the VS stuff as well as Express, LImited and Bath and body works so happy me! i go in for training on Tue 3-6. yay. but shhhh i dont know this yet.

woot woot my stephers is home~! yay

Christmas colors YAY!

The longer I live, the more I realize that impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than moeny, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than whatr other people think,say, or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make of break a company...a church...a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will ebrace for that day. We cannot change our past... The only thing we can do is play on a string we have, and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it.
And so it is with you...we are in charge of out attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll

I was browsing the web adn came across this. It made me think about some things. It made me kindof re-live and think about the time when i SI(Self Injured) and my attitude towards things, and life in general. it sucked. to say the least and for lack of better words. I have come out on top of that and nolonger do it. Yes there are times when i would love to pick up a razor blade, safety pin (oh the irony i know), or whatever would work including my finger nail and just run it across my beautifuly heeled arm or some other intresting place on my body. But i dont. i find other ways of dealing. i havent for a while and i think that it is beacause i have abetter outlook on life and how things have been working out. im optimistic for the time beaing and that is a great way to be. i think that this quote can make everyone think whether you have SI or not.

so it is sapose to snow hopefully i will have no school tommarrow, who knows. The secretaries were taking bets. i got sent home early from work today only did 63 mins owell. what ever. my fam. is so messed up right now. my mom is tring to find out my cusins website thoruhg me. that didnt happen. she still hasnt found any of mine if she had i would know thank you invis. trackers! yay. ok more later. i want to go shopping bad.maybe tomarrow if stephanie feels better

VSFS!

oh the love of VSFS! i worked through half of it though that sucks but i got hte other half on tape so yay! it saddens me b.c its Tyras last walk on a runway and her last VSFS. she is such an icon. i will miss her.

Its funny how the world opperates.

i was sitting in the library thinking about the few friends i have and why i only have a few then lookin garound at the kids at school adn this is waht i came up with.....
I dont have many friends and i dont really associate myslef with the people from my scfhool or any other school. Why? Beacuse they are less aware; it will take them probably until their sophmore year in college to get on the same level. Granted there is one who i am with on a regular basis in school adn she is a secound year senior, who is 19. Bus she has the same level as me. Why? beacuse we were forced to grow up. When everyone around us is still deciding what party to Attend to this week we are goi nto our job(s), we know the ups and downs of a life we shouldn't. We know the feelsings of loneliness. We know that friends, ture friends are like stone. We both have lost, and vow never to do that again. There is a rocky surface on us when there should be a glossy one. My point to this is, When everyone around us will jsut begin to expariment adn just start to breack down adn go down the "wrong" path and possibly screw themselves up. We have already been there, already gotten thourgh that. We know alot mor ethen we should about all kinds of things. Her as well as I are thankful for what we have gone through.

i havenothing to write, at this point in time.

The Butterfly Effect

i have a bug bite on my arm it looks like i burnt myself with a cigarette. i don't really know why i am updating this. its jsut goign to be random like most of my other stuff i guess. if i can ever get ahold of Jason he will know the awnser to a question he asked me the last time we talked. Yesterday with Stephanie was altoof fun. i enjoyed it alot. It feels like really strange right now at this time in mylife. i know what i want to do and what i want out of life. i really do. But you know me i always have to have a backup plan or soemthing to that extent. i have a plan a and plan b for mylife. it sounds strange but i do. if plan a dosnt work out then i will go to plan b. plan a would be the ultimate thing i want out of life. plan b would be somewhat the same but less in one aspect and what the less would be i would fill it with somehing else. im the kindof person if something dosnt work out i am lsot and fucked up for sometime then when i get over it something snaps adn i am in either in a determination or destroy mode. i will focus all myself on my backup plan and put all my energy and time into that. I will be alittle less happy in a backupplan but still i would be able to maintaine a great outlook on life. For instance Cindy Crawford was told by my former agency JC/ Zoom that she would never be able to model b.c of the mole. They didnt let her into Elite the first 7 times but she focused on getting in and then the 8th time she did. like if you didnt get into one modelin gagency after a few months of thinking and gathering your thoughts you would say fuck it and go to your 2nd choice and get in, yet still be a little less jolly b.c its your secound choice. Get it? i know that it isnt like you can plan your life it jsut happens but still that is waht i do. like if the whole me going with Casey to Brussels,Milan,and Rome in the summer dosnt work out then i do something else. Everything is set into motion and its to late to change it, besides I NEED it. Well, really it is never to late to change anything but basicaly i have already made the desician; my decisian and yeah it has a major effect on my life, but i still maintaine it is for the best, evan if i would have to go to another mind set.

My mom and i decorated the house today with abunch of christmas things today so that is al done. Dude no-doze makes you alerat as hell. i took it at work adn i jsut keep running around doing random shit like more then i woudl ever do it was hilariouse. Next time i wont take it with Hot Choc. maybe then i will be a little less hyped. oh, i bought nodoze adn some other pills that keeps you up b.c i was litteratly dozing off in class. thank you irregulare sleep patterns! i gues that means i wil have to cut down on the coffee. hmmm... one cup should be ok in the morning an dthen the pills mid day or like 4th or something i dont. i will figure it out later. i cant wait to graduate. my grad. party is like a few days after i graduate like maybe 3 days after i think it is the 7th or 8th. Also i think we are having it at my grandma's, dont know how rocky adn sandy will take that (the horses). ok im done im out of things to talk about for now i am sure i will come up with more later. i do my best thinking at night when i randomly wake up but cant get out of the bed to the comp. lol go figure.

i cant wait until the end of the day. I am going to go hang out with Stephanie. She is picking me up from school, then we are goi nto her house and then doing stuff. i am not surewhen i will be home but i am glad to get out of the house.

ok so i am in the hall and i go to go down the satirs and i smell caologne and it smells familure. It dosnt hit me until secound period why it smell familure. i just stopped what i was doing and had a huge flash back. It was nutz. Anyways it was two of my ex's. (they wore the same, kinda weird) Then again i am no longer with either of them adn they were bad for me so... but anywho that was that. its strange what you forget or what you put in the back of your head and how your brain works. that reminds me i need to go to a sleep doc. and a neurologist. I can't sleep or havnt been for a little while. I dont know why.