OK so MAYBE i am goign to break. im sick of people shit. (So is Zack) Look im going to make this VERY clear. If you have a problem with me dating a man 6 years my senior then that is fine, voice it for all i care. Im not going to listen until i get hurt then i'll crawl back like usual adn everything will be norm. Until that day comes get off it. I am a very happy person adn i def. DONT need a guy to be happy. i never have. im not using him as an "escape" i do well with that on my own. As for people who dont even KNOW me then shut up. im sorry for being rude but seriosuely u dont know me. hush. k? and if you dont a big FUCK YOU. u have us both thinking happy?? but BEALEVE your not breaking us. Shit like this makes people stronger, how u think im still alive assholes?? I dont know who you are or waht you have against, Zack, or I as individuals or Him and I as a whole but drop it. If you are a pissy Ex, im hotter, im better, im a princess, im his and hes mine get use to that idea b.c its the truth, u dont phase me. If you are an angry friend i dont know you and you dont kno wme go away, He is happy, you want your firend to be happy right?? if you dont then your a shit friend adn u suck as a human. If you are my firend im a happy muther-fucker, little frusterated right now but stillhappy. i take in what you have to say i think. i do. im still with him so leave it. Anyone else who has a problem FUCK OFF we dont care. so stop your drama, that is all.

Day of Silence

Today is the National Day of Silence so in our whole school there is only 30 of us who are observing it. So far it is going well. Everyone thinkis its a bullshit thing, besides that there are a few select names that have come by me today but that is fine.

The Day of Silence is a national student-focused action to raise awareness of the discrimination, harassment and abuse. In effect, the silencing that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people and their allies face daily.
On the Day of Silence, students, faculty and staff at high schools, colleges and universities across the country take a vow of silence from 8:00am (ours was 7:30) through 5:00pm and distribute "speaking cards" explaining their participation.
for more information of this http://www.dayofsilence.org/

Goals

im going off Jasons blog...
I also do actually need to think of goals adn attain them so, thanks for the insight and i hope your number two waht ever it may be is achieved. These are yes seriouse even though i might add little "()" in that is jsut for inside matters and my own personal thing, u all know me im strange....

1. Get signed to one of the top 5 agencies in the world for modeling.

2. Marry my "soul-mate" (e.g. King Arthur) be a good wife, mother ect.

3. Graduate from college with a Bach. Deg., Mas. Deg. if offered

4. Move out of PA (NY,CA,FL,NV)

5. Go back to UK and backpack there for a summer

6. Live outof the country for more then 6months

7. Travel everyplace in that big book i have, about intresting places.

8. Undecided

9. Undecided

10. Undecided


Some Short-Term Goals i recently made

1. Graduate HS
2. Get Liscence
3. Better Relationship with Parents (Working on currently)
4. Visit Kaylee
5. Room-mate for Apt. (Done)
6. Go to Boston and Salem for a week
7. Get seriouse (in all aspects of everything)
8. Buy a dimond ring from King's (Done; its sooo cute!)
9. Get un-grounded (Done..fucking finally!)
10. Elope ....

Its Reality

so from the previouse post. I do beleave in reality. tha tis waht i am living curently, and i couldnt be more happier or thrilled. I am fully alive. i have come to that conclustion i am fully alive and i love it. "I know that no matter what we are going to be ok", you are totaly right. Kaylee i know now waht you and jesse have, and it is a wonderful thing as you said. The only fantasy is off in my own little world...and maybe a little blue adn white box...but that is so "princess" as Zack would say. For once in my years i actully like reality its kinda nice. Yes it has only been like less then a month but i have known Zack since what the Common Ground Teen Center Days?!(ok so what i was there like 5 times, that still counts right?) That still makes me laught tha tyou were the adviser~! hahaok so yeah that is tha tfor this little update. i hope all is well with everyone.

A fantasy? Am i ready?

I'm confused as heck...(I know unusual) Its jsut that i think i am ready for anything and in a way i am but still not. I am giving seriouse thought to alot of things that have happened in the past month. There are alot of good and bad things. I charesh the good and become stronger from the bad. I am still learning about myself. I am still figureing out who i am and what i ment to do and why i am on earth everything. I beleave yes, i am vunerable at this point and time but that isnt the basis of my desicians i make. i also beleave that the desicians i am making are b.c that is waht is right for me. Everything happens so fast...correction everything is happeneing so fast. it really is. I have asked around adn that makes me doubt myself as well as alot of things. Maybe that is a bad thing. In my heart yes i know that it is life, but when your brain does a 360 at a propisition in a short amount of time you tend to ask questions. But i shouldnt worry. I really shouldnt. I read to much into things. Maybe i am going numb or cold now. i dont know. Is this all jsut a fantasy? Something made up and not reality, that would bite. Am i ready for this if it isnt a fantasy adn is reality?

half says yes half says no....is this expected?

how old is too old?

So friendly question out to anyone who wants to awnser, how old is to old for a relationship?

Seriousely like there are people like Mary-Kay Laturno and her now husband. I dont know the world is weird?!
T2 and A. that was like er...5yrs?
oldest person I dated was 4 years


but seriousely 2 yrs 4 yrs 6 yrs 8yrs. ect?

So School

School. I am hopefully doing better im tring at least, and its only 31 more days and 6 weeks on friday so....
Zack is coming over agian to help me study b.c i got pissy with him last night, opps. i gotta get me sched for work. i putan app in for cracker barrel they dditn call so i might put on in for starting line racing cafe. hmm... i am saving money for some trips im hopefully going to Boston with Mic, and Zack. I am still thinking about making a roadtrip to Aurora sometime in the mid-late summer. It would be nice to go out there and see some friends, the moutains and the city. My cusin Leah's wedding is fast approchinh so i will get to see Casey and see if we are still on for traveling. i dont know i havnt updated in a while so i figured i would do a short one considering im not aloud on thenet except for school...hehehe
I am still debating the apt thing. its a few months away i jsut dont want to sign a lease if my fam. is going to move to philly after Dec. i mean it wont be bad cuz i will have a person to live with and i wont be alone. idk. pro and con pro and con.....

part II

so yeah my friends didnt agree and Zack hit the roof. BUT both Mic and Zack said that they would support my desicain but thought it was not a good one. but hey i am stil living at home until....end of June(?) then i can move in with the people that are getting the house. oh Happiness. ok well Seeing as i am grounded and shit everyone wants me to go out and chill up. so Zack adn Mic are helping me study at my house until further notice. thing that sucks is they jsut kinda said were doing this and your getting your grads up so there. that starts tongiht...

standing up

Well, i have grown alot in the past since i last posted or at least i belevei have. but then again i might jsut be fooling myslef like usual. Jason, you might not like the way i stood up for myself but i did. I had everything ready to go and it was set. i had a place and money and transportation everything. It was perfect. so i decided that i wantd to move out of my house. And so i went about it i packed, i was going to live at Nat's but figured it would take me more time to walk to school then it was worth so i found a place to stay. I was going to move in with a co-worker stacy. Whom my mother hates, she is nice to me and i like her. she said " i am not doing this to spite your mother i am diong this b.c i dont want you out on the streets and if you get in my car after yuo leave your house on a bad note im kicking your ass" so yeah i wish my mom would know how much stacie stands up for her, but she never will. Anyways, I was going to live with Stacie and see if the school would let me stay considering i was in ym last semester of h.s and a senior.Stacie, Carol, and I talked everything out i would be able to get to school ontime seeing as stacie and carol both work in Wash, and one of them would be able to pick me up form mwork adn i could get a ride from Kait or someone at school to work. so it was all worked out. Stacie said that i was ablt to stay out til midnight every night, but had to make sure to study ect. So the day everything was final, i went home very calm adn explained to my mom that i wanted to move out adn she started to shake her head and was like "nono your not giogn to" i told her it wasnt her desician and then dad came up. At least he heard me out in entierty. but he still said no. so apparently i am still underthere control until i graduate b.c i attend school. but i think that is bull b.c you can drop out of school with out your parents knowing, so... but anywyas i did stand upfor myself adn wahtnot so...i am slowly learning that. i'll psot more on the finishing of this later in 6th